Redneck Neighborhood Watch
Last week I got a text from my wife. Actually, it was part of a family group text. I was late to the tea party. I was working and became aware of the situation after a pretty lively exchange about what had gone down. She was driving home with the triplets and had just turned off the main road towards our house. As she approached our barn, she noticed a small white truck. Not unusual because we have a similar one, but she soon realized that it wasn’t ours. The tailgate was down and there was a red dirtbike in the back. Sometimes we take pictures of the license plates just in case we need them for some reason, but this time it was obscured.
Trespassers aren’t uncommon. It is usually people trying to fish. Sometimes it’s people trying to either find a quiet place to get a fix or find stuff to steal to score their next fix.
She pulled in near the barn to figure out what was going on. After she saw what she saw, she wished that she hadn’t. In one of my previous posts I featured a picture of an old chimney. It is part of the ruins of a cabin that used to be on our property. It’s not a secluded area in the least. This is the area in which the scene below played out.
She said that there was a scrawny guy near the old chimney and that her first impression was that our pig had gotten out and that he was trying to catch it to guide it back inside its fence. What a nice man! How neighborly! Her words were “At first glance, I thought the pig got out because he looked like he was trying to ‘giddy up’ the pig. But no! It wasn’t OUR pig that he was giddy upping”. Keep in mind that this was broad daylight. In our barnyard. In a highly visible area. She laid on the horn and the panicked scrambling and calls to the Lord above began.
This is about the time that I was able to catch up on texts and became aware of the situation. She had laid out the chain of events well and built suspense along the way. She laughed it off but was somewhat frazzled and dismayed by the whole situation.
I asked if he left the pig behind and she said that there was “no pig left behind”. What a gentleman, I thought.
We have our own redneck version of a neighborhood watch program. I knew that I’d better let the boys know that we had another pig f*cker on our hands immediately. I was just glad that they brought their own pig this time. I’ll spare you the details of that exchange, but Tucker and Dale let me know that they would ask around and would be on high alert.
I sent my wife a screenshot of a portion of the discussion so that she would know that it was taken care of. I hate it when stuff like that happens and I’m not at home to assess the situation first-hand, but I’m grateful that I have a reliable safety network.
After reviewing the screenshot, this was her response:
“🤣😳
It was a human ya know".’
God help me. The plot twists just keep coming. Apparently the manner in which they chose to engage in their not so covert secret mission lead to the illusion of “giddy upping” an animal. We only have a pig near that area right now, so by context, she assumed it was the pig.
Still insane that someone would do that, but at least there was no beastiality involved this time.
Geez. I really took that and ran with it. What the hell is wrong with me? Maybe I still have PTSD from watching Deliverance as kid. Banjo Boy’s face still haunts me in my dreams. I asked all of the kids who weren’t at the scene of the crime what impression they took away from the story. They overwhelmingly came to the same conclusion that I did. That was some consolation, but maybe the apples didn’t fall far from the tree.
Homestead life is full of all kinds of lessons. Dreams. Visions. Plans. Unfinished projects. On this day we were reminded that it is far past time to put up a proper fence.
Was this an isolated event or is shamelessly tending to one’s private business publicly some new trend?
Have you ever come to a wrong conclusion that you were absolutely convinced was true but in retrospect seems quite ridiculous?
Feel free to share!
